Parents always want their children to be happy and successful. Parents dedicate their lives to feed, educate and nurture the children until the children grow up. Sometimes they continue to support their children even after the children become adults. In many cases, people are mentally influenced by how they were treated by their parents even long after they grow up.
It is pretty common to find people who suffer from inside the mind because of the feeling of disagreement, disapproval or conflict with the parent and often it happens even after the parents pass away.
Personally speaking, I have suffered over 30 years with the feeling that my father didn't approve me and I felt unloved. I felt unhappy and empty regardless how successful I have become financially or socially. After 5 years of cultivation and practicing Chan Meditation, I finally made peace within and I resolved difficult relationship with my father. During this process, I learned some common mistakes parents can make with their children.
When children misbehave, of course, it is the parents' duty to teach them and correct their mistakes. But when your emotion is not calm, your children won't be able to learn much. They may look like they listen to you and pretend to behave better but it could be only temporary.
When you scold them with anger, your child only learns and receives your anger. Your child will remember angry energy and it will remain in them for long time. In the worst case, they may end up hating you because they can't defend themselves from your anger so they will accumulate the feeling of hating you or the way how you handle the situation.
Anger produces more anger in others.
If you truly want to help your children to be good, speak to them with your calm mind. Give yourself extra time to look inside whether or not you want to speak to them because you feel so justified to do so (often when you feel so justified to shout at them or scold them hard) or you truly want to help them to be better.
When I was growing up, I always felt like my father hated how I was (the way I was). Because my father was so sure of himself and believed that he knew what was the best for me, he was often forceful. He often shouted at me to correct my behavior or the way I was. He felt so justified to do that because of the love he had for me. When I didn't listen to him, he often showed his anger and impatience. And I, too, had become an angry person.
When I met my father again after 5 years of Chan meditation practice, I was able to see how kind he was and how loving he was as my father. So I listened to him and explained to him how his anger had affected my life. I explained to him how my little brother can't control his emotions and it is mainly from how he was treating him. He understood and agreed with me. But I knew that he won't be able to change and treat my brother in different ways with patience.
Then how do we improve? How can we become more patient and really help those little ones to be better?
When you start meditating as your daily routine, your mind naturally becomes patient and calm. If you truly love your children, meditation is the best thing you can do to help them. When you become a better person, you can truly help others.
Meditation is pretty easy and simple. You don't need to spend money on any meditation tool, music, or cushion. Just find out the best time of the day you can be alone in a space without being distracted, it could be your bedroom or bathroom. Put a thin mat or towel to block the cold surface and sit on it.
Ideally, it is the best to sit in full lotus or start from half lotus posture.
Set your phone or clock and meditate for 15~20 minutes daily.
During this 15~20 minutes, you put your attention on your belly button (Dan tian). This is our center. Ignore everything that is coming to your mind and just wait until your alarm rings.
Do not unbuckle your legs from the sitting posture until the meditation time is over. You finally have an opportunity to train your crazy monkey mind to stop telling you what to do!
If you can stick with this, you will see a great benefit for yourself. And then you can increase your meditation time up to one hour. Meditating one hour a day is the most ideal. For more techniques to improve your daily meditation, please Click to learn how to meditate.
And eventually, you can also teach your children to meditate with you. Meditation will teach them to become stronger and happier inside.
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